Transatlantic hopes
I wish to either be blissfully disabused of the notion that the New England aesthetic is eery and off-putting, or devilishly confirmed in my rush to equate the place with weird The Lighthouse vibes. I wish to collect 3 seashells and a MAGA hat in New England, but I’m not sure if I will try their seafood. I want nine Burlington scalps. I wish to meet the North American equivalent of our friend Patrick, it’s only fair, tit for tatrick. I want to see every possible Chinatown and rank them by size, food quality, and visible revisionist propaganda. The Wiki travel page paints a very Swiss picture of the Quebecois customs, I hope to note a striking difference. Do NOT! I repeat: do NOT wear any Yankee gear in Boston, asshole! I will not get stabbed in Waterloo, and I’ll switch sides if needed. I want to get in a fight at a waffle house, to test my strength. I want to try my Boston accent on locals, they’ll love me for it. I will treat your country like Disney World. Look at this, look at that. I’ve heard about this on TV, I saw this on the internet. Bags of milk lol! Don’t be a weed tourist. Don’t be a weed tourist. Don’t be a weed tourist but definitely try the weed. Also try the seafood but don’t compare it to Portuguese food. Refrain from comparing everything to Zermatt. Talk less, listen more. Ask questions, don’t assume things. A guy at the Zurich airport already assumed I was American. How will you handle that?
What DO you expect? I expect a new book, new friends, new recipes, and ideas to spice up my culinary game. I expect to overcome my maple syrup fetish through nauseating overconsumption. I want to see how multiculturalism works in Canada, but also in America. I want to be able to compare US and Canadian culture, using the least representative American city as well as the least representative “Canadian” region. Avoid asking people to speak proper French, but also avoid embarrassing yourself and pretending to understand, good luck lol. Learn about organizing, mutual aid, pronouns, community life, and all the other things you don’t see at home. Be cautious in approaching these topics, you’re a white chud, after all.
French canadian next to me in the airplane:
-Reads magazine about cannabis
-Refuses everything offered to him (a meal, two cold drinks, water, sandwich, chocolate) and instead only accepted a single coffee this entire 8 hour flight. He watches La La Land on the screen. Sleeps for 20 minutes. Wakes up and scrolls more medical cannabis stuff on his phone. Abandon all hope, ye who enter
Update: he eats a bit of chocolate from his bar 30 minutes before landing. This man is a menace
Here are all the Johns I read, met or heard of during my stay:
John sargent
John boats
John cakes
John monney
John harvard
John shitass
NEVER SMOKE OUTSIDE VALUE VILLAGE AGAIN:
Value village vertigo
In Ottawa, I‘m tripping
Slipping in and out of panic
Don‘t arouse suspicion
From please just get me out of here
To „where you wanna go?“
To „i don‘t even really know“
To let‘s just stay for more
