Matriarch

My great grandmother Bia

Used to scare me when she was alive

The eldest of the family

In mother‘s mother‘s mother‘s side

I said good morning on my birthday

Maybe she misunderstood

She told me I was impolite

I‘v always questioned how she could

To kiss her cheek was horrible

It may have made me who I am

Taught me to submit to pleasing

Anyone that‘s not a man

Bitter as she may have been

I never knew the which-a-why

And never did I see her smile

But no one does when children die

Her husband fell asleep at night 

while sitting by the fire

with his baby on his lap, she fell

and died, her dad was tired

I don’t think she forgave him

And my grandma had a cross to bear

While raising my own mother

Making losses up with constant care

Why was I so terrified

of older women as a child?

Because the countryside was poor, 

and men were tired, and children died

And what the fuck am I to do?

For people that I never knew

Whose trauma culminates in mine

And how I’ve dealt with you